If there’s one thing I’ve learned from working as Registered Dietitian and health coach, it’s this:
we are all terrible at making new habits stick
This probably isn’t news — there’s a whole industry dedicated to cracking the code of behavior change. While building new habits is certainly challenging, the main reason why folks struggle to make lasting changes is actually very simple. It all comes down to a mindset that I like to call habit perfectionism.
Here are some examples of what habit perfectionism often sounds like:
- “Once I finish this project, then I can refocus on myself.”
- “After the holidays are over I will start eating healthier.”
- “I will start exercising regularly when the weather improves.”
- “I’m too busy to keep up with my new habits, so I’ll put them on pause until things settle down.”
- “Starting January 1st, I’m going to overhaul my lifestyle and become the person I’ve always wanted to be.”
If any of those sound like you, habit perfectionism is absolutely part of why you are stuck and once you are aware of how this mindset works you will be able to move past it and make lasting changes to improve your life and wellbeing.
What is Habit Perfectionism?
Put simply, habit perfectionism is a belief that change can’t happen unless your environment is perfectly supportive of that change. This mindset manifests in two ways:
- Procrastinating change in hopes that there will be a more perfect environment in the future.
- Stepping away from habits because they can’t be sustained perfectly in the current environment.
Here is the reality: there are no good times or bad times for change. We like to imagine that timing is important when embarking on any journey of self-improvement, but in order for any change to be lasting, it needs to be sustainable even when conditions are imperfect.
When you reserve self-improvement for the calm moments of your life when your focus is not divided, the habits you cultivate will only be easy to maintain when things are smooth sailing. It’s like training for an ocean swim race in an indoor pool only and then expecting to perform well on race day. You need to troubleshoot and perfect your habits in all of the environments that you typically encounter throughout the normal course of your life.
Why do we fall into the mindset of Habit Perfectionism?
There are 3 main reasons why folks fall into this mindset:
1. Starting too big and taking on too much
People tend to want a BIG transformation, believing that if they take on a lot all at once it will maximize results. Unfortunately, we often can’t sustain or even start that kind of transformation unless the environment for it is perfect and stays perfect the vast majority of the time moving forward. This is a big part of why people who participate in highly structured weight loss programs such as the Biggest Loser almost always regain any weight they have lost once the regimented program is over. Performing at that level consistently is virtually impossible outside of an optimized and tightly-controlled environment and that is just not the context that anyone lives in over the long term.
The obvious solution is to start small with simple, easy changes. However, many people are hesitant to opt for smaller changes because they don’t feel that this approach is impactful enough to be worth it. For example, several clients I have worked with have told me the they don’t feel that exercise is worth it unless they do at least 45 minutes. The typical result of this thinking that they don’t exercise at all during the week because that time expectation proves to be unsustainable for them.
Here’s the truth: If a new habit can’t be sustained through the normal ebbs and flows of your life, it doesn’t matter how impactful or life-changing it is because you won’t be able to sustain it! If you’ve been stuck in an all-or-nothing cycle for a long time, it might be time to change your approach.
2. Believing that times of stability and calm are the norm
How many times have you told yourself that once you get through a period of stress or productivity that things will calm down? If you are anything like me, then answer is probably A LOT. The idea that times of busyness and stress are just infrequent interruptions is a lie that we often need to tell ourselves in order to stay positive and keep going. In reality, times of stress are a regular and normal mode of operation for just about everyone. Even when life is overall less stressful than in the past, often our new problems feel just as significant as they did when life was more intense.
When you think about obstacles and stress as being exceptions to the rule rather than the rule, you end up postponing working on your goals for a very large percentage of your waking life. In order to make real change happen, you have to find ways to maintain your desired lifestyle long enough and consistently enough for it to become habitual.
3. Resistance to change
There are a lot of reasons why we might be resistant to change:
- We doubt that change is possible.
- We feel overwhelmed by the amount of effort that might be required.
- We worry about the social implications of making changes — others might notice and ask us to explain or justify our choices.
- We feel reluctant to let go of old habits that don’t align with our goals because they are enjoyable.
Overcoming resistance is a big topic that deserves its own dedicated post, so I won’t go into it in detail in this article. The takeaway here is that when we are resistant to change, we often use habit perfectionism as a stalling technique to put off taking action on their goals. If you notice that you are procrastinating on getting started, you might want to investigate which fears, concerns, or beliefs are holding you back.
How can we break free from Habit Perfectionism?
Step 1: Come up with a new set of goals for yourself.
The types of habits you are working on really matter here. For example, aiming to do 90 minutes of yoga every morning and cooking all of your meals from scratch daily will be require a considerable amount of time. Attempting to hold yourself to that standard during busy periods in your life can lead to burnout , guilt, and shame because these goals do not accommodate for changes in your schedule. Instead, try shooting for being consistent with 15 minutes of yoga each morning and make a big pot of soup every Sunday night for the rest of the week. These goals will be much easier to accomplish when your focus is split and therefore will be more likely to become integrated into a stable lifestyle. When you think about the bigger picture of your life and your health, it will always be better to do a little bit every day than to do a lot only when conditions are just right.
Here are a few guiding principles for making more sustainable goals:
1. They should be small enough that they feel relatively easy to complete on a daily or weekly basis.
2. You should limit the number of goals you are actively working on to a number that will not feel stressful to complete if your schedule changes and you suddenly have less free time.
3. Your goals should be scalable. You should be able to scale them up when you have more time and scale them down when you have less that way you can build consistency.
4. Start with habits that either take less than 15 minutes to complete or will make your life easier throughout the week. At this stage, you want to think of your free time as an investment. Don’t invest unless you know you are going to get a return, otherwise that habit will likely either fall apart or be a source of burnout if your life gets busier. Some examples of investment-style habits might be getting to the grocery store regularly or doing a light meal prep on the weekend to avoid needing to go out for food or cook during the week, or keeping a stable bed time, as sleep deprivation can have a substantial impact on cognitive function and mood.
Step 2: Start now.
